


Maybe, Just This Once

by anyarally



Series: Langst One Shots [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, M/M, Medicinal Drug Use, Past Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-18 23:29:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyarally/pseuds/anyarally
Summary: Maybe, just this once, Lance will just not put on his makeup, at least in order to get to breakfast on time. You know, for once.
Relationships: Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Series: Langst One Shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586314
Comments: 1
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Self harm, general angst  
> Time period: Everyone is still color coordinated and before the whole Shiro disappearing/clone thing happens  
> Ship(s): Klance, hance if you squint  
> Notes: Wrote this during free write during ELA up until a certain point and then copied it into Wattpad, just thought y'all might want to know how much I love to write fanfiction.

Lance got up, looked over to the clock Pidge had finally made for him since he was late so much, and _surprise surprise_ , he was was already late. Again.

Well, in all fairness, he wasn't quite late yet. If he got up and left his room now, he could get there before Allura even makes the morning announcement. But he still had to do his makeup and hair, and taking into account how tired he was from training the night before, there was almost no way he could get down there in time. It's not like he could just _skip_ his makeup routine -- wait, could he?

The team was always yelling at him about it, maybe today he just won't do his makeup. Yeah, that sounds good. At least try it out one day, see how it goes! He probably looks terrible, from both the injuries and the lack of sleep, but maybe that was all just his imagination. 'How much did I slept last light? Two and a half hours? See, that's much more than nights before,' Lance thought to himself, 'I'm sure I'm _fine_. Maybe, just _maybe_ I really do have a natural glow, like mamá always says! Or, said... Nevertheless, just don't pass any mirrors on the way there, Lance! Don't want that pesky anxiety getting in the way of this! This is it, I'm gonna go out there, _on time_ , and eat breakfast with the team. No pushing the food around the plate the whole time for Lance, no sirree! Today's gonna be a good day!'

And with that, Lance quickly got dressed and started to head down to the kitchen and dining room area of the castle. 'Wow,' Lance pondered on his way there, 'It's been a _long_ time since I've been that positive. Maybe I'm getting better?' he questioned himself as he finally reached his destination. He walked in and sat down silently, he could hear Hunk working on breakfast, but he didn't want to bother him so he stayed quiet.

After about fifteen minutes or so, Hunk came out to the dining area to set the table for everyone. He was very surprised to find _Lance_ of all people sitting at his usual spot at the table, hand supporting his head while he was seemingly staring out into space. Hunk realized Lance hadn't noticed him yet, so he took a bit of time to really get a good look at him. He didn't have any makeup on, Hunk could tell that much. He had known Lance well enough, and _long_ enough, so he already knew about his freckles and curly hair. Hunk knew how much he hated them, so he never dared to tell anyone else, not to mention the pleading look in Lance's eyes when he first found out all those years ago. Lance had enough on his plate... Hunk knew that. The closer he looked at Lance, the more worried he got. He could finally see the dark bags hanging, plus there was a deep -- much _too_ deep -- scar on his right cheek, right under his eye **(A/N: think Aizawa from bnha)** , not to mention one on his left eyebrow and two on both sides of his neck, clearly from someone else and not suicide, both the eyebrow and the neck scars white, visibly from a long time ago. Hunk already knew about the last two, how could you not after being Lance's dorm-mate for so long, plus the endless sleepovers before they got into the Garrison.

Hunk finally decided to talk to Lance, now that he had fully evaluated him. "Hey, uh... Lance? What're you doing here so early?" Hunk asked, trying not to scare Lance.

"Oh! Hey, buddy! Sorry I didn't see you there, I kinda... _space_ d out! Get it? Since we're in space?" Lance replies, grinning.

Hunk chuckles, "Heh, yeah... you doin' alright, bud?"

"Yeah! Of course! Just thought I'd be make more of an effort to get here on time is all. Y'know, make the team proud. Shiro, Allura, Keith... even Pidge! Maybe they won't yell at me today, huh?" Lance ended his mini-rant, laughing it off.

"Bud..," Hunk comforted, going in for a hug. Lance gladly accepted and cried silent tears into Hunk's shoulder while a string of "Shh"s and "It's ok"s came from Hunk. Hunk could feel his shoulder and a bit of of his vest getting wet, but he didn't mind.

Although that all got interrupted when a tired Pidge entered. They both heard her enter and while Lance went into the kitchen to sober himself up a bit, Hunk went back to what he was initially doing, setting the table for the team. Thankfully, Pidge was too tired to notice, actually turning around not long after she entered and left mumbling something about forgetting her laptop.

Lance came out **(heh no not yet)** not long after, by the time he entered the dining room again Hunk was just finished with setting the table. After a knowing smile and a quick hug, Hunk went back to the kitchen and Lance sat back down at the table and waited until everyone else came.

Surprisingly, it took a while for Pidge to come back. 'Must've fallen back to sleep on accident,' Lance thought to himself. Shiro was the fist to come, effortlessly noticeable by the sweat on his brow and his labored breathing he had been training, taking his place at the table in silence. Next in was Coran, not long after was Allura's announcement, presumably Coran was the one to wake her up. Next was, of course, Allura, then Pidge and Keith.

Coran was the only one to notice Lance when he came in, congratulating him before Allura entered, knowing Lance really was trying. Lance had told Coran all there is to know about his childhood and home, just as Coran told Lance everything about his past and Altea. When Allura came, she didn't even notice Lance, same with Shiro and Pidge.

When Keith entered though, very clear the only reason he was last because he was training, probably with Shiro until Shiro left, _he noticed_.

"Lance?! What are _you_ doing here? And why do you _look_ like that?!" Keith yelled upon entering, causing everyone else in the room to frantically look towards Lance's seat, all but Coran and Hunk surprised to see it occupied. Hunk was just entering the dining room from the kitchen when Keith yelled this, mouthing an 'Oh no' while struggling not to drop any of the plates filled with green egg-like and neon pink pancake-shaped things.

"What's wrong, Keith? Is my _natural_ beauty too overwhelming? Besides, am I not allowed to get to breakfast on time?" Lance scoffed, standing up and stomping towards Keith. Oh, they definitely have the team's attention now.

"No, you idiot, it's not that. Where did all those scars on your face and neck come from? And why do you look so goddamn tired?! Did you not get enough _beauty sleep_ last night?" Keith fired back, despite Hunk warning Keith not to as much as he could without alerting Lance.

"That's none of your business!" Lance yelled, instinctively covering the sides of his neck with his hands and running towards his room, muttering, "The one day I'm _actually_ happy..," as he ran. Though, the only person who heard it was Keith.

After an extremely awkward moment of dead silence from the team, Hunk yelled, "Lance! Wait, calm down! He didn't mean it!" the Lance ran, setting down the plates of food and running after him.

Once Hunk was out of ear shot, Pidge stated, "What just... happened?"

"I'm not sure. But for now, let's not bother Lance," Shiro remarked, glaring over at Keith, "We can ask Hunk about it when we get back."

Back with Lance, once he made it to his room he let it slide closed and put in the code to lock it, which he changed to his own a while ago. He told Coran the code because he is a responsible boi™.

Once Lance was inside his room and it was locked, he ran to his bathroom, locking the door to that as well.

Just after he had gotten into the bathroom he heard Hunk banging on his bedroom door.

Lance slid down against his door, pulling his knees to his chest. He then reaches over and grabs the small blade he had taken out of the razor each paladin is given along with their pajamas, lion slippers, room, etc. and repositions himself so he's sitting down legs crisscrossed.

He slides off his jacket and places it jumbled up in a pile front of him on the tile floor, pulling up his left sleeve a bit to fully show the dozens of past scars he has, some old and some new. He hovers his hand with the razor in it just over his arm, taking a deep breath, lowering the razor, and slowly sliding across his arm. The pain helped him escape reality, helped him forget his past, his present, and his possible future. He ended up making three cuts, all on the same arm.

The whole time he could hear Hunk calling his name, eventually Coran came too. It surprised Lance they didn't just come in, seeing as Coran knows the code to his door.

He stood up and went to the sink, rinsing his arm off and tightly wrapping the Altean equivalent of gauze around his arm, not really caring about his health, just wanting to make sure it doesn't bleed through his clothes later.

Once he had his arm all wrapped, he pushed down his shirt sleeve and grabbed his jacket off the floor, putting it back on.

To make it more believable, he flushed the toilet before coming out into his room. He opened the door and asked, "What's up, guys?"

"Hey, buddy. You freaked out a little bit back there. You doin' ok? You know you can talk to either of us," Hunk gestured to himself and Coran, "right?"

"Yeah, of course! But don't worry, I'm doing great!" Lance exclaimed, sporting one of his iconic bright grins while leaning against the doorway. 

"Well, uh, alright... but do know that if you ever need anything, _anything at all_ , that you can come and talk to either of us about it. We're here for you, Lance," Coran told Lance in his kind uncle voice. 

Lance thanked Hunk and Coran yet again, telling them he needed a bit of time to himself, which they understood. 

Lance lay in his room for a bit, trying to calm down and be as happy as he miraculously was this morning, but the bad thoughts seemed to just keep coming back. 

'You'll never be good enough'

'Goofball'

'You'll never be smart enough'

'Useless'

'You'll never have a _thing_ ' 

'Seventh wheel'

'Why don't you just end it now? It's not like they'd miss you. It'd be one less thing for Allura to be worried about. It'd be one less thing for Shiro to stress over. It'd be one less thing to interrupt Pidge's work. It'd be one less thing to make Keith angry. It'd be one less thing to get in Coran's way. It'd be one less mouth for Hunk to feed. _You're_ the only thing holding this team back. Sure, you're the blue paladin, but I'm sure they can find another one, Blue's friendly. Hell, Allura'd be a _great_ paladin!' 

As he pondered these things Lance was sitting in his bed, sitting on his knees as he curled in on himself, holding his head in both hands, harshly grasping handfuls of hair in each hand. He grunted, almost coming out as a growl, "Argh... STOP! Stop this! That's not true! I'm a great paladin, I... I uh, I have use!"

'No you don't, stop lying to yourself. Come one, how about we go a _relieve_ some of that _stress_ you've been feeling. You know you want to...'

"NO! I _can't_! I-I won't! I PROMISED GODDAMMIT! I-I, I promised..," Lance said, starting out yelling and ending whispering. 

'You already broke that promise and you know it. It's not worth it, just go for it. Maybe we could even go a bit further today...'

Before Lance could even consider how loud he just was, his thoughts were interrupted when he heard a knock on his door, which was thankfully locked so the castle wouldn't just automatically open it. 

He pulled his hands away from the sides of his head, taking the opportunity to touch his cheeks, just now realizing he had been crying. Sitting up, he yelled, "Who is it? Hunk, I swear to you I'm fine!"

"It's not Hunk, idiot."

"Keith? What're you doing here?" Lance replied, getting closer to the door and putting his hand against it. 

"I don't know, helping you!? Ugh, idiot..," Keith started yelling and ended muttering. 

"Wow, that was _almost_ nice! Good for you Keith, good for you," Lance cockily replied, "Now, why are you really here?"

"I came to help you. You seemed like you needed it."

"Oh, uh... ok? Come in, I guess?" Lance questioned himself more than Keith as he pressed the button on the side to open the door. 

"Thanks..," Keith came in and sat down on Lance's bed, taking in his surrounding. 

He saw how much general chaos the room was in, the empty pill bottle laying on the shelf, the tear streaks on Lance's cheeks, the pillow on the floor, is that... _dried blood_ on the bathroom floor?

"Uh, Lance?" Keith questioned, once again gaining the attention of the Cuban boy. 

Lance turned towards Keith and looked at where his eyes were pointing, just now noticing the bathroom door was open.

His eyes widened as he ran toward the door to frantically close it, "I-I uh, I can explain!"

"You better," Keith responded, giving Lance a questioning look. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts, general angst  
> Time period: Everyone is still color coordinated and before the whole Shiro disappearing/clone thing happens  
> Ship(s): Klance  
> Notes: Wrote this one completely during free write during ELA and then copied it into Wattpad, just thought y'all might want to know. Also I've found it helps prevent writer's block if I try to write in a different way(typing to hand writing and vice versa). Sorry this one is so much shorter than the first part, but I really wanted to publish something.

After closing the bathroom door, Lance walked over to Keith and sat down next to him on his bed, "Well, Keith, what exactly do you want to know, I guess..."

"Well, for starters, why is there an empty pill bottle on your shelf? Why do you look so different today? Why were you so upset at me earlier? Why were you crying and WHY IS THERE BLOOD ON YOUR BATHROOM FLOOR?!" Keith questions, definitely startling Lance.

"Well pretty all of those questions have pretty complicated answers. The empty pill bottle is a pretty long story."

"Well, get tellin', Lance, because, I ain't leavin'."

"Whoa there, Keith, your Texas is showing," Lance replied, smirking while Keith blushed slightly at the comment, "Anyway, the medicine... well, the medicine was my anxiety medication. It was the only one I had on me when we went to space, so I continued to take it at half dose until I ran out a few weeks ago. Even though I took more meds before all this, I'm still glad I got to continue to take at least this one, no offense, but you guys aren't really helping my anxiety get better. I had just gotten the refill from my mom brought to the Garrison that day when I decided to sneak out with Hunk. he knew, so I wasn't worried."

"Wait, you said you took more meds, what other ones did you take?"

"ADHD and depression. What was the next thing you asked me?"

"Why do you look so different today?"

"Oh, right. Well, I look different today because I didn't put any ,makeup on this morning like I usually do. I decided today I wanted to get to breakfast on time. I was upset because all I wanted twas to make you guys proud and actually be there on time and all I get from you is yelling about how I look That may seem salty and I know I'm over-dramatic it's just one of my many insecurities is how I look and when you mentioned it I-I just-"

"Lance. You're spiraling. It's ok, everything is ok. You're an amazing person, Lance, and I 'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for Keith, I clearly overreacted. I just- I just got overwhelmed and I honestly should be the one apologizing , my actions were uncalled for." Lance looked up from his hard set gaze on his knees, rubbing the small tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes when he noticed the shocked look on Keith's face. "What?" Lance asked, looking towards Keith expectantly.

"Oh, uh, it's just-- I've never heard you sound so... serious before?"

"Oh, I guess that makes sense..."

"You still haven't answered my main question; why is there blood on your bathroom floor?!"

Lance gave a small, sad chuckle, "Heh, I was kinda hoping you forgot about that one... Well, are you sure you wanna know?"

"Um, yeah?" Keith responded sarcastically.

"I honestly don't think I'm ready to show you yet."

"Well, if you don't tell me, I have a right, as both your teammate and your friend to go into your for some reason bloody bathroom and decide what I think happened based on the information given. So, what d'ya say? Tell me or I find out on my own?" Keith threatened, acting very smug.

Lance flinched, 'There's really no getting out of this, is there? I was hoping to throw him off and make him think he'd won with all the pain before, although that was real too,' Lance thought frantically. "Uh... fine. I'll tell you, as long as you promise not to tell the rest of the team."

"Uh... ok?"

"That includes Shiro, Keith."

"Ok, ok, I get it. Just tell me already."

"Ok, I'm gonna apologize in advance for this... I was cutting."

"WHAT?!?"


End file.
